from belgia, with love.

i love bo burnham.  period.  it's hilarious.  'give me the bottle, i'll chug two-thirds, cause you bitches know fractions speak louder than words...'  haha!

ok, more importantly, i think i'm going to retype my text in order to confess how awful a roommate i truly am.

jess: this trip may be the end of me.

mic: if you do kick the bucket, could we not tell coe till halfway through first semester.  i am scared of asians.  (this does not include ethan, but he is barely asian.)

does this make me a bad person.

shit.  damn.  i know, ok.

anyway, you laughed and are therefore just as guilty.  aiding and abetting a joke is also a crime, my friend.  

-sarcasm.

ps.  i like the song 'damned if i do ya (damned if i don't).  age old questions, eh?

summer '09

behave this summer. teach children important things. and think of ways to make our room rock next year. :)

-sarcasm

thanks jb.

i hope your mom isn't too offended by the fact that her name is kinda left out.  it was never my intention.

thanks for just being you.  

and that wasn't sarcasm.

--sarcasm.

Sinking In...

This summer I'm supposed to be a counselor at a camp and take young girls out on trips.  I'm supposed to show them their potential, help them open doors, or as a counselor of my own once told me "shove 'em out the god damn window if they're not willing to walk to the friggin' door!" Can't say I'll do that, but I am honored to even be given the title of counselor. I worry that I will not do the job correctly though. That I am not fit for what the job entails. Who am I to be a role model for others? I've messed up so many times, often with the same things, never learning from the previous. 

I wish my roommate knew how amazing she was. She probably never will because she's also so busy searching for who she is, striving for what she wants to be but never believing that she actually could be, or even might already be. She trusts no one and that's mainly because she doesn't trust herself. Someday she'll learn. This year has been a lot for her. Someday she'll learn that it wasn't these moments that made her the person she is but were the things that later on gave her the strength and courage to find the traits that were already in her. Someday she'll learn. Someday she'll learn how to trust, love and accept. Herself.

Someday after that...she'll learn how to accept other people's trust and love. For her.

Someday she'll know she means everything to me :)

Roommate.

citizen cope.

well the sun's gonna rise in a mile.

toddlers and tiaras

i totally want taralyn to win. her mom is less of a b*tch.

kohowks took two today. yeah red! and i ran today WITHOUT being smoked by a ball. kudos to moi.

and in other news i hate being an adult and growing up.

where the fuck is peter pan?

some days you're the pigeon and somedays you're the statue.

i only remember this quote when i'm the fucking statue.

screw lent, by the way.

so the past couple of weeks have really been shitty.  i wish someone was listening.  i just wish...

i was born in a small town...

i had a great time with my friends tonight.  i do miss coe college, but home is where the heart is.  my friends and i are different.  we just are, and no one could really ever understand.  and that's perfectly fine with me.  they're still mine.  

no, i cannot forget where it is that i come from, 

i cannot forget the people who love me

yeah, i can be myself here in this small town, 

and people just let me be what i want to be. 

:) john mellencamp

cuzstrong.

you're probably not from a small town.  you probably have no idea what it's like to know everything about everyone.  for those of you, who haven't lived in a small town i am envious of you, but at the same time, i pity you because you don't know the warmth of having a community behind you.

every time i stepped on the field, court, or even the podium at graduation i knew i wasn't standing alone.  there was really only one 'crowd' in my community and we were all tigers regardless of how different our stripes were.  

we were united.  we were one.  we ARE cuzstrong.  My friend Chad's dad and my high school principal was given only thirteen months to live in may of '07 when he was diagnosed with brain cancer.  he was scheduled to have surgery in the early parts of may, just as everyone was awaiting the arrival of summer.  the day of his surgery, a few of my friends made wire bracelets with orange and black(the colors of the Madrid Tigers) beads on them.  The cut all of our wrists, but we wore them the whole day.  Then when the diagnosis was final my classmates and some parents ordered Live Strong look-alike bracelets in the school's colors and had CUZ STRONG printed on them.   I've warn mine since then, rarely taking it off, I took it off today at four in the afternoon, because i didn't want to get it filthy at softball practice.  I learned after practice that he had passed away around four.  

I'm not here to tell you how speechless I became.  I'm not going to sit here and preach to you about how valuable life is, or how you should never take things for granted.  But you should know that there's a community out in the middle of iowa that knows what it lost today.  I can guarantee you that we will forever be CUZ STRONG.

Mark Cosens

Feb. 14, 1963-Mar. 17, 2009

Cuz Strong and Carrying On.

heavy eyed, starry eyed, teary eyed...

my foot hurts so bad, i can't even think. pain. pain. pain.







you're supposed to write your feelings here. i feel pain. in my foot.

back off.





xoxo

machine gun

heavy eyed, starry eyed, teary eyed...

a book that ends with no last page...

Swearing, Chocolate, and Ice Cream--the trifecta of my Lenten predicament.  On a success scale, I'm hoping to hit a solid seven, because I know my landing will be shaky.  I've got one day nearly under my belt, and to be honest, I am having absolutely no trouble with the food (despite lame attempts by others to 'tempt' me!!) it's the swearing that is throwing me for a loop.  RED FLAG!  if i can't go a day without it, isn't an addiction?  well, check me in to (insert swear word here)ing rehab.  I will make no excuses.  I have a horrible mouth, and as entertaining as it maybe at sometimes, someone who is truly witty shouldn't have to rely on cursing to be effective.  

I never thought that this whole blog thing would be fun, i was just in awe of some deceitful and conspicuous behavior.  On the world wide web?  NEVER.

I'm not here to tell you about the things I hate, or things "I wish my man would do."  If I wanted to be unrealistic I would have signed up for Myspace(again).  It is not my intention to bore you with facts about me.  Although, I do like telling people, and if you only knew me, you would know everything little thing about me, five, six, or seven times.  I'm just that lame.  My past entertains me, sadly.  

So want me to let you in to my personal life?  Good luck.  I find this world much easier to live in when I am never serious.  

Ooh, when did this blog become so serious?  Currently I'm pushing the self destruct button.  3...2...1....BOOM!

oh, no that was just machine gun laughing.  the whole self destruct thing was a joke.  

Here's a secret you can chew on.  I never thought I was a closed off person until I got to college.  Than I knew, maybe that's why you're the way you are, sarcasm.  Grow up-get a heart.  

'....her bag gets a little heavier, i wish that i could carry her, this is our ungodly hour...'

'...you never left me no messages, you never sent me no letters, but you still found me...'

why'd you have to wait?  

:.•sarcasm•.:

I will walk with you, using the stars as guides...

Micah has gone. I am alone again. Second semester has been so sad and lonely. No soccer, no sun, no roommate...no fun. I sit here listening to my favorite group, Dispatch, via imeem because I am dumb and lazy and never transfer my music from my old computer to my laptop. I guess I can't complain seeing as it's no ones job but my own...

Her ipod alarm just went off. It's 3:22 and she should get off the bike or treadmill because it's time for practice. I know too many dumb facts. I fill my head with useless knowledge instead of learning things that will really help me out in life. So dumb...

This blog is quite insufficient. I guess I'm still uncomfortable putting myself out there for everyone to see. You know, the internet is just such an open place. So is the outdoors, I should go outside. It's a beautiful day, the first in a while. I should be out there basking in it's greatness.

Until next time, think about this;

Can you talk about the future without knowing the past?

xoxo

machine gun

no sex in the champagne room...

as kanye west (the great) previously stated, 'how could you be so heartless?'  i feel compelled to ask yet another question, why facebook your seemingly pathetic life away, when you could blog?  so many more emotions, so many more windows of sensitivity to be opened!  

while so many of us find blogs to have ulterior purposes other than to drown out said lack of emotion/feelings, i instead find solace in these georgia-font words.  where my heart used to be you will find a blackhole of sarcasm and self pity.  

so, that was my take at wearing an emo hat.  did it fit?  hell no, and it made my hair a mess.  

how about i wear what truly does capture the essence of my being.  a hood, because i am...so gangster.  

sorry, yet another lame attempt at a joke.  if you did chuckle, however, run and gather your coe cash--the pub needs more saps like you paying for it's ridiculously priced bags of tea.  chai for $1.19?  (insert swear word here) you crazy?  

another lame point, i gave up swearing for lent.  Now instead of the F-bomb fluttering in my mind, all i muster are the words 'epic failure.'  perhaps now's the appropriate time to fall into my aforementioned 'emo' state of being.  At least for the next forty days (and nights) it would be entertaining.  

thus the end of my first blog.  i am terrible.  i hope i never practice.  i just wasted the last remaining moments of my swearing life.

fuck. 

and now it's midnight.  

no love, sarcasm